A Sleepdrunk Analysis

It's revived. For now at least.  To be honest, I'm restarting this so that somebody coughcough will friend me.  It's not fair if I have insight into their little blog world, and they have none into mine.  Friendship is two sided.  It's an ongoing balance of give and take, love and hate, push and pull.  So, why put forth the effort if it isn't always easy?  If it isn't as easy as it was?  Is it worth it?  In college, nothing is as easy as it was, nothing is as comfortable as it was.  Senior year I found a security blanket I could throw over my head when the world got scary. I could hide beneath it and feel as safe as I ever needed.  I was comfy.  Regardless of what was going on during the week, who was fighting with whom, who was dealing with whatever conflicts high school brought about, we were always there for each other.  I have never grown to love a floor nor a kitchen more than I did in my final year of high school.  In college it isn't easy, I can't rely on Friday game nights and Saturday baking to see and laugh with my old friends.  I can't rely on birthdays to bring a group of diverse people together.  It's an effort.  I bounce back and forth between the new world and my old world, trying my best to exist in both.  I know I come home (too) frequently, but it's home.  It's knowing how to navigate perfectly about in the pitch black as I try to sneak upstairs without waking my parents.  It's knowing which shortcuts to cut two minutes off a drive to a friend's house.  It's knowing that I'll always get a hug when I'm greeted.  It's knowing exactly what it'll smell like when I open my window at night.  It's knowing the comfy.  I've taken to laying out my weeks every Monday morning.  It let's me know what I'm in store for with the upcoming week.  I always like to have something to look forward to--an incentive to continue or something of the sorts.  Be it days, weeks or months in advance, I enjoy having something to look forward to.  The events approach quickly, and pass even quicker.  As much as I hate being cliche, I'm afraid life is moving too quickly.  I want to appreciate everything as it's happening because I know that things will never be just as they were at that moment.  Take a picture--it'll last longer. This weekend friends came home for spring break of freshman year.  Freshman year of college.  Because they're in college.  We're in college.  I found myself spending Saturday afternoon on the monkey bars, swinging and reminiscing of elementary school.  I found myself spending Sunday night at the junior high school playing Spud.  I have played on the monkey bars and run towards the ball for ghost numbers with the same people for almost 13 years.  I wish it were as easy now as it was when it began.  When time with your friends was spent on top of the monkey bars sharing secrets, and in a tree fort playing a made up game with random objects found around the yard.  Now time with friends is squeezed between walking to class and weekends spent home.  And yet, as a whole, I still have the comfy.  For the most part, as we continue to spring forward, we fall back.  We fall back to the way we were, and the way we want to be. Together and comfy.  Wrapped up in a snuggie blanket, hiding from the world. 


There may come a time, a time in everyones life
where nothin seems to go your way
where nothing seems to turn out right
there may come a time, you just cant seem to find your way
for every door you walk on to, seems like they get slammed in your face
thats when you need someone, someone that you can call.